SO. I did not bail on my original colour choice from yesterday. (AND BONNIE it's NOT BROWN - it's GREY! Good grief you know I do not get along with brown!) I had a good weepy, sobbing, WHAT-HAVE-I-DONE moment and then I went to bed. I got some distance on my project and when I came downstairs this morning - I loved it. It's clean and bright. AND NEW again. The space looks bigger. I remembered why I love this house. SO. Penn and I are still hacking away at it. The main level is done and the stairs are nearly there. The upstairs in on deck. While I was at it - I decided to continue the colour onto the ceilings, too. And the basement stairs. And paint the back door. What the heck. Fresh and new, right? It's awesome. I need to have a little more faith in my colour intuition. BECAUSE IT'S AWESOME. ;)
What I learned from this:
LIGHTEN up and the world lightens to you.
PERSPECTIVE is always easier when you add a little distance.
DISTANCE makes the heart grow fonder.
And FONDNESS is a wonderful thing to have for someone.
My weekend with Penn has been awesome. Lots of cuddling and reminiscing. I feel like we totally bonded and my heart grew three sizes while I was getting to know her. Why didn't someone tell me that babies can be WONDERFUL!? It also made my heart rip up a little because I don't remember this feeling with Pilot. To be completely honest - with Pilot I stumbled. I felt like I had to breast feed and that didn't prove to be a good match for her and I or the process of getting to know eachother. She would scream and claw at me and we would both fight our way to tears. I took it personally. Parenting is personal. And somewhere within our struggle - I was overcome with stress and failure and did definitely retreat from any confidence or bond. When I decided to stop breast feeding Pilot - it was like coming out of a foggy tunnel... instead of dread - I could hold her and nurish her and see her for the small hungry person that she was instead of the small person who hated me. With Penn - I wanted to START the way I hoped to CONTINUE. I decided to do what gave me the most ease... because when I am at ease - this little world of ours - seems to be much, much easier for everyone.
Today: Much of the same. BUT MORE COFFEE. I hope to get a second coat of paint up on the spots that need it. Put the hooks and rack back. Clean up. Spiff up. Another doctor's appointment for me. Dinner with an old friend. Another good day with a wonderful baby. AND THEN A TRIP TO THE AIRPORT TO PICK UP MY PEOPLE. Hurray! I'm so happy that Dan and Pilot come back tonight. No more distance.