This year is nearly at the halfway point. Here in the Northern Hemisphere - the official first day of summer has passed and the days are getting shorter now instead of longer. It's in the space between breaths. Where I live - it's an amazing time of year. Life is in full bloom - the grandest part. The part BEFORE the flowers are over-opened and it's too hot. We are in the moment. The crux... a wide bloom that you can only fully appreciate when you have experienced long and frozen months of winter.
First off: you suck. I say that with a certain fondness because I am in the midst of the most amazing journey of small people and that is a magic I refuse to miss. That shall be your only glory. Because 2012 you, as a year in my history, will go down as the year I lost. I lost my favourite foods. You took my gluten, my dairy, my eggs, my bananas and my sense of enjoyment from food. You will most hatefully be remembered as the year I mourned my favourite things like crackers & blue cheese, mini donuts, and French toast. Bye-bye cheap chocolate and Halloween candy. You will also go down as the year I found out that my achy hip injury from nearly a decade ago is actually a couple of broken vertibrae. Still broken and pinching my spinal cord. Total bummer, but good to know. Impact exercise is out. You will go down as the year that stopped me in my tracks with incomprehensible inflammation that made my hands my enemies and made a mockery of my passions. The pain and the frustration that I have felt this year from the loss of mobility and chronic and accute pain is not describable. Nor is the medical system polka. And I wish I could describe it because it would make it easier to understand resting splints and possible knuckle replacements. The messed up spleen. The soul crushing decisions to try chemical therapies. The hematology appointments and rheumatology appointments and literally hours and hours of physiotherapy and monthly blood work and biannual liver biopsies... and all the other uncomforts that come with drugs like that and pains like this. What a confusing mess of suckage.
And 2012 - you sonofabitch - you will ALSO go down as the year I scripted brush work for 3 major agencies in New York and for 5 major international companies. You are the year I scripted work in 18 different languages and finished more than 20 paintings by the halfway point of the year. You are the year I helped raised money for teenage girls internationally. I learned that my Pilates reformer was actually an angel in disguise. My paint brushes my salvation and a glass of wine when I shouldn't - a life saver. You, will be remembered as the year that my productivity shot up and my life GOT BETTER because you taught me the importance of being honest with MY SELF. And believing in myself. And speaking up a bit. And being fierce. And fighting for the things that fill me. And letting go of the things that just don't anymore.You taught me to conserve where it wasn't life, death or passion and totally effin' EXERT where was.
So I guess I'm saying that hate you, 2012. But, I love you.
Today: painting, loud music, coffee and an inbox attack.