FACT: I don't drink enough water.
FACT: Painting feels like free falling to me.
FACT: I love my kids so much it hurts.
FACT: I am good at figuring creative solutions.
FACT: This is a photo from our trip (without kids) to Whistler, BC.
FACT: I think can do anything I set my mind to.
FACT: I love working.
FACT: I am at home in my solitude.
FACT: I love polar bears.
These are facts. I am consciously targetting thoughts I know to be true... not things that I am imagining. Sometimes I imagine things that are ridiculous. And if I focus on the ridiculous (I can't do this, I'm not good enough, I can't handle it, this will never work, I'm not important...) they seem like facts. Pure bananas. It is so counterproductive and senseless.
Coincidentally, this is a challenge we are tackling with the girls. All of a sudden, they are afraid to go to bed at night. Actually, it's just Pilot. But what she says - the other two build on and so on and so forth like a bit of an insanity circle. What was once a piece of cake is a full-on mine field. It's been a challenge because they feed off each other and before you know it - it is toddler hysterics. And we are out numbered.
We've tried everything from night lights to "monster sprays" to tales of empowerment to ridding the house of the culprits (My Little Ponies) to a reward system to full-on mama-meltdowns. Actually, if I am being honest - there have been more mama-meltdowns than is acceptable to me.
It's exhausting. And truthfully, it's sad. I dread bedtime. I know it's a phase. I know it's a learning period for them and for us. For me. I know I will look back and laugh. But right now, in this moment, it feels big. Like failure and power struggle in this constant parenting quest "to do what's best".
Sigh. I've decided to simply try to focus on the facts... 'You are safe. You are loved. You are TIRED. You are loved. You are safe. GO TO SLEEP.'
Today: I'm taking my own advice (except the sleep part) and focussing on the facts and keeping the rest of the static that gets caught up in my brain at bay. No doubts allowed. Eyes forward. Use the energy you might waste worrying to just move ahead. And (guess what) drink coffee. (I'm also finishing the painting of our first and second floor. Spring makes me want to putter and fix.)