This is a painting that I did around this time last year. I haven't talked about it because I haven't had the words. I never even signed it... I couldn't even go there. It was too heavy to be spoken. It's been on the dresser beside my bed for the entire year. I was trying to paint what it looks like from the bottom of a swimming pool. Because that's how I felt. I felt forgotten. I felt empty. And sad. And broken. And really, really scared. My body broke down I felt like I was drowning. And I have never felt sadness like that before. I couldn't put words to those feelings last year. Actually, I probably could, but I was afraid to face such an ugly truth. I didn't want to be here. Worst year ever.
And in retrospect - it was very good. It was okay. It's good see what you can endure and good to see how life sorts itself out. The friends who are friends and the loves who are loves rise to the top like cream. And then you live in the cream of life. It's nice.
And so now... this big painting that makes my heart bleed... Well, I am painting something new here. They are connected, but on opposite sides of the spectrum. I feel good. The new piece is something that makes my heart feel light, but reminded. I have been (and will be forever) painting like it is my last day. Because I know that day will eventually be here and I have so much I want to do. I am grateful for every single day that I can get out of bed, brush my girls hair and free fall in this passion of mine.
Today: painting. (OH, and demolition of our mudroom and 2nd floor sunroom. Sigh.) OH, and GIRLS NIGHT (in honour of International Women's Day and good hearts). Awesome.