I have spent much of the past year realizing that I am who I am. I ALWAYS WAS. I've spent thirty-odd years as an artist. Twenty of those as a professional. I've tried all kinds of schools, styles + beliefs. I've experiemented with who I THOUGHT I should be + I've pined over who I wanted to be. I've sorted through the guilt of being who I am. And this year has brought it around in a circle...
I started out as a little girl who sat on the floor in her bedroom to draw and paint. I liked myself. I taught myself. I painted wildlife because I love animals. I painted letters because words are magic. I was a loner, but never lonely. I listened to odd music. I never listened to doubts. I talked to animals and they talked back to me in paint. I liked silence. I painted in black + white... because that's where I feel loved. I never felt guilty for picking painting over everything else. I never felt I had to "keep up". I did what I did. I was the person who spoke her feelings and got in trouble. I was not okay with things that were not okay. I preferred kindness over popularity. I never censored myself, but I never hid things either. I was bulletproof - not because I was immune to hurt... because I was extra susceptible.
Fast forward. Life does wonderful work. You learn. You grow. You take risks. You lose a bit of yourself. You find who matters. You stick with the people that lift you up. And you become yourself. All over again.
And, man I love life.
The work that I've been doing lately - with the script and the bears has made it achingly + awesomely obvious that I am who I am. I always was. I journeyed in a circle.
Maybe that little girl sitting on the floor of her bedroom knew something all along. ;)